Deadpool

"My name is Wade Wilson and I haven't always been this super. I was a special forces operative before I got a bogus dishonorable discharge and became a mercenary, that's right I do questionable stuff for money. Anyways, then I met Venessa who also does questionable stuff for money. Love at first sight. Then WHAM! I was diagnosed with cancer and underwent an experimental treatment (torture - thanks Ajax) and was injected with a super serum, which is how I became SO SUPER! Add a sexy red suit and slap on a cool superhero name ... call me Deadpool. I was recruited to the X-Men as a trainee (I did get a cool shirt). Yada yada yada ... whala ... present day. I have been saving the world one villain at a time since! Anywho I have in my possession a top secret document that can change the fate of superheroes and mutants forever! Don't tell anybody but I hid it somewhere in Sister Margaret's School for Weyward Girls."